NINE

NINE. The title of a new movie and the number of minutes into it when I realized I wanted to leave the theater. Not just clever line, completely honest. Sadly, this was a movie that had cost money, and so I felt I should stay and see it through. Unlucky me. Questions that went through my head as I left:

How did they get all those famous people to be in it?

Why were so many unnecessary characters in it?

Did it have a plot? No.

That last one was pretty easy to answer. There was no plot. There also were way to many people assuming that they were the lead. Why were they all there? What was their purpose? Oops, accidentally slipped into the question thing again. The one hope I’d had for the movie was then the music. I had quite liked Fergie’s “Be Italian” in the commercial and thought the film could have a few decent musical numbers. It did not. It had multiple almost not-bearable musical numbers. It’s not that the singing itself was bad, it wasn’t. It’s more that you wondered why on earth the people who were singing were singing or why they were in the movie at all. The ray of hope for the movie was Marion Cotillard, who the intolerable lead male was cheating on, which only increased my hatred of the movie. Penelope Cruz also put in a nice performance, but I can’t say I liked her burlesque style number. Judi Dench was charming as usual, but unnecessary. Kate Hudson’s character was boring, but her musical number was fun to watch for the first minute. Nicole Kidman was gorgeous, but who could even keep track of the fact that she was in the movie. I felt a wave of despair when each new scene started and I realized the film was not yet over. Once all the females had sung a song I sighed with relief that it must soon end, but then one of them sang again! Intolerable! Perhaps if a movie had been made with just Cotillard and Cruz, included a plot, had more singing from Fergie… nope, no hope. Just don’t see it. The stars will survive.