Monday, July 15, 2013

Review Roundup (ALL them summer movies): Pacific Rim, White House Down, The Lone Ranger, The Heat


After hearing some positive buzz about this summer action flick, I was feeling cautiously optimistic at the theater. Luckily, I had my memories of Charlie Day's character to ease my post-movie melancholy. Day's performance as a geeky, excitable, and extremely lovable scientist was by far the highlight of this monsters vs. robots epic. While it certainly wasn't the worst clash-of-the-large-things movie I've seen, it still fell short. It developed an interesting, apocalyptic world and some semi-intriguing characters (thank you Idris Elba), but was ultimately reduced to a lot of slow motion robots boxing with aliens. 

BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM *swoosh, hit to the jaw* BUM BUM BUM BUUMMMM *swoosh, hit to the comically large gut of something that looks like a large mutant ninja turtle* HARD METAL ELECTRIC GUITARRRRRR "Fire the laser gun!" BANG BANG BANG!

It's A LOT of that. Which is fine for a while, until you're brain starts to get bored, and you start coming up with questions. Like... if humanity has the technology to tell that these aliens have appeared in the ocean because of some sort of worm hole through space, has the technology to exactly measure the worm hole's dimensions, and knows how to destroy it - shouldn't they be able to come up with a better solution than giant robots? I mean, they have found a tunnel that takes you from one end of space to another. POOF. Like Star Wars. Like Star Trek. Like any movie/TV show where we have space warp technology. But... they're going with big robots. And why isn't the rest of the world trying to contribute? It's just these six guys who can pilot the robots and a bunch of dudes in Army uniforms who don't seem to serve any purpose at all running around a big hangar. Oh, and two scientists. That's all the world's got. Everyone else has just accepted that giant, alien monsters will soon take over the world? There was A LOT of time for my mind to come of with questions like these. Still, coulda been worse. 


I have the delight of having seen both Olympus Has Fallen and White House Down, so I can do a little compare and contrast. Here it is: Olympus Has Fallen is seemingly more serious, but with more ridiculous villains. White House Down is more playful and gives you Channing Tatum to look at the whole time. 

Now to just take a look at White House Down. The bad guys in this movie all seem pretty clumsy and ridiculous. But, that's because they were basically given the easiest pass ever into taking over The White House. Some pretty important people in the government/security just handed them the keys (metaphorically, I don't think there is actually just one set of keys that opens all doors in The White House, but maybe Bush needed things simplified). So you've got silly terrorists, charming Channing, and Jamie Fox as a confusing impression of Barack Obama. Don't think that was technically what he was going for, but you can't help but see some political comparisons. I'm not complaining about any of this. It still makes for a decent little action film. One added bonus that you don't expect is the girl who plays Channing's daughter. She's pretty excellent. She actually is the center of my favorite part of the movie. See below for a description of the best scene in the whole film (but it kind of gives stuff away. I mean not really. The world's in peril... blah blah blah.)

*SPOLIER SCENE*
Bad guy: I need your handprint Mr. President, so I can send a bunch of bombs to blow people up.
Jamie Fox: No way man.
Bad guy: I'll shoot Channing Tatum's daughter if you don't do it.
Jamie Fox: Little Channing Tatum's daughter, you understand that I can't let him blow up a bunch of people just to save you.
Channing Tatum's kick-ass daughter: I understand.

Say whaaattttt? This is awesome for two reasons. One: Jamie Fox doesn't just crumble and destroy the world because of stupid emotions like every other character ever. Two: THIS GIRL IS BADASS. 

*END OF SPOILER SCENE* (and anything else I have to say about this movie)


Haven't seen the original Lone Ranger anything. Have no context for the history of this brand. Just saying.

Why is it that all movies think they need these lame story devices to pull everything together? I mean the last time that worked was in The Social Network, when the whole thing was told through the court cases. And that only worked because of the brilliant script and my love of Jesse Eisenberg. In The Lone Ranger, a small boy goes to see an exhibit about the Wild West in 1920-something. There, he meets an ancient Tanto (Johnny Depp) who tells him the whole story of his adventures with Armie Hammer (who plays The Lone Ranger). Why can't we just watch the story? Why do we need the kid and ancient Johnny Depp? Anyway, pet peeve. Moving on.

I don't watch a lot of Westerns, so I feel like I don't have much to compare this too. It's definitely not as good as The Mask of Zorro, which for some reason kept coming up in my mind as something similar. But, everything seemed like the right ingredients. A rivalry between brothers, a score that needs to be settled, corrupt people trying to take over all of new America, silver, train fights, horse-riding, a wise/crazy Native American, a woman with a gun for a leg (thanks Helena), a woman who's worth fighting for - it all seemed to line up. It doesn't hit home or leave you with much of a message, but it's a pretty good hero's journey. 


Last because I'm least sure what to say about this one. First off, I think it's hard for Sandra Bullock to out do herself in Miss Congeniality as an uptight FBI agent. That role really put her on the map, and this character and this movie just aren't as good. It's not nearly as bad as I anticipated though. 

Melissa McCarthy is a comic genius. But, I don't necessarily feel I've gotten that from her recent roles. My favorite performance of hers is still as Sookie in Gilmore Girls. She's hilarious, and it's not in a dumb, physical comedy, gross sort of way. Maybe I just miss her actually acting. That being said, she was still funny. Not as stupid/funny as I feared. She's a smart enough actor to make the role more than that. And her and Bullock's relationships is endearing. But, no one will remember this movie. Hopefully, the same can't be said for McCarthy's career in a year or so. 

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